May 2008
16 posts
thunder rolls
and if there’s possibility
I’m too tired
reckless and ruined
emotionally and construed
as a psycho-nonsense
dribbling maniac
cut the slacks?
off my broken back
or are they broken
I think they’re broken
and I’m the only sane one
am I?
cutting-edge cutie
on the brink of clarity
keep striving
you’ll be clear
heart and mind
drained
can you keep...
someone fucking kill me
a friend once told me
to forget and lay
on the fringe of sanity
and to this day
I do and will
frown upon stability
and claw at the walls
of feeling
The future is uncertain. I feel fine. Lonely. I want to relate, talk, feel, live with another.
Oh, Cicada
oh cicada
bring me back from the grave
bring me back to the place I love
oh cicada
bring me back to my home
bring me back to the place I’m from
oh cicada
oh cicada
I lost all my friends
I’ve tried to make amends with them
oh cicada
I have a letter I’d like to send
but I bet it’s better to lend to you
oh cicada
you come with summer wind
you cry religious...
the mask is slipping
Continued...
So, to continue this whole describing myself shit, here.
My emotions are easily swayed. I’m not bipolar, at least I’m 99% sure I’m not. But, seemingly small things can throw me off. I convince myself they don’t. But, really looking inside of me, as deeply as possible, I can tell they do. Today, for example, I went from being depressed and lonely all day, to being hopeful,...
the past is recalled
and I’m cleansed
of all the bad things
present; now
gone for a spark
so I testify
to the shadows
and rectify
bad behavior
birds sarcastically chirp
and in my mind
a whirlwind is spinning
cut loose from the goose
that brought us all home
but at the same time
wore us to the bone
and I cry and spit
and curse the clouds
for being the only thing
they know...
You know what I miss? Not constantly having pressure put on me to be someone else. Every time I be myself truly and completely, I’m unaccepted on some level by people I believed would accept me. And relationships—friendship or otherwise—never really develop when I wholly reveal myself from the start.
I don’t mean I want someone I can fart around, I have those people. I...
I remember
how the darkness doubled
I recall
lightening struck itself
I was listening, listening
to the rain
I was hearing, hearing
something else
jet engines whine
So I drove up to Dayton today to pick up my sister. It’s strange—being in or near airports instills feelings of solitude for me. Loneliness. But, this is a good loneliness. It’s a satisfying loneliness; it’s like all my problems fade. Anyway, on the way up, we passed the “touchdown jesus” statue—a giant statue of the top 1/3 of Jesus, holding his hands up...
Hell is Chrome
So, I think I know what I’m going to get for a tattoo.
This probably sounds, and probably is, lame, but I don’t care. It’s important to me and that’s all that matters. I’m going to get a chrome and metallic cluster of skyscrapers, with a gray sky background. It’s because of the Wilco song Hell is Chrome. This is the way I interpet the song:
Hell is supposed...
everything’s dripping
and I’m getting old
ridden with nonsense
and nonsensical baggage
shrinking my soul
I’m almost done
and you’re dead in the doorway
spilled out
across the floor
back to your old ways
an overdose of dumb
denied and forgotten
will we split
our hairs?
or our blue-jeans and cotton
well I’m sleeping for now
I want to climb a tree. But I don’t know how to do so properly.
I’m supposed to decide whether or not to move back to Seattle—very soon. I’d rather not think about it, because it makes my brain sore, but I have to.
On another note, I’m working on a poetry book. I don’t really know what seperates good poetry from bad, but I hope mine is “good” enough that I can get it published. Here’s a poem from there.
...