September 2008
46 posts
Jane lived on 6th Street, in a nicer, but bohemian part of town. Below her 19th century apartment was a cobblestone street, lined with boutiques, cafes, bars, and gaslights. I lived with Jane, at least some of the time. On any given night you could find me there, on 6th Street, hiding from the world in her apartment. We all hid from the world. 6th Street, along with Jane’s apartment, was the...
oh no that feeling is rising and groping me like a violent cello or violin constantly practicing in the basement when the sound travels down the strings I’m awake again
I have to get my car fixed. The brakes are shot. They squeak, and when I apply them the whole car shudders and shakes. I thought the rotors were just warped (which they are), but I thought that was all it was. I was wrong! The brakes like actually almost don’t work.
I just got the rear rotors replaced, the front rotors machine-shaved, and new pads all around like 2 months ago, so I figure...
Recycled Garbage
I’m like garbage I’ll only live one life and you… you may live two in this space, with this record you remind me of listening to and, look at your track-record there’ll be a place for you me too but, you’ll reincarnate in the form of some beautiful new shiny thing I will rot with my kind I don’t pity myself I suppose I chose this for myself this waste that is...
soon I will grow up and turn into a man I’ll find me a lady as fast as I can won’t you let me know daddy? won’t you tell me please? what are the other kids talking about? when they talk about the birds and the bees? do you really have to pee in a girls mouth? do you really have to pee in a girls mouth to make babies?
-My Hero, Bobby Stoan
on the rooftop after dark fireworks supply ran dry didn’t care ran with it vandalism on the board warehouse blues a new place was great
Why am I being pathetic? Fuck this!
Unprivate! Now, batman!
Rhythm
you set the rhythm and I bit the tracks cramp in the legs, I’ll remember you set the wrong one and I ran too fast you set the rhythm and I tripped I’m sure you’re laughing now in your delicate little head laugh away, laugh away, laugh away you’re a bully and the bug bit me and I got sick quit it QUIT IT you’re looking at me stop looking at me oh you sit in the corner...
I miss you
it sucks. it sucks. it sucks. it sucks. it sucks. it sucks. it sucks.
I miss you in 2007. The 2007 you.
It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.
I miss when you didn’t know me enough to hate me, and I didn’t know you enough to do the things that made you hate me.
It sucks.
Oh well. Since you seem to want it, I’ll leave you alone.
But, it sucks,...
yeah—I gotta settle with the fact that, yeah, I gotta settle yeah, that’s a fact, that’s yeah, I gotta live now, in the— yeah, right now, no more more remembering, stop it! just stop! yeah, it’s never going to happen and yeah, I shouldn’t be surprised but yeah, I can’t help it if I love you yeah, I know it’s suicide, yeah, I can’t forget when...
I had to give up on the un-stationary unnecessary? I’ll try to hold still I’ll try to hold still
do you really look that pretty when the lights turn on I bet you think you look pretty when the lights turn on I see you’re satisfied you’re going to need something soon this will grind to a stand-still just stop while you can try to stand still I look into the apple with a...
Also, according to the scale at my dad’s, I’ve lost 15 pounds. Now, I know that’s bullshit, because the only thing I’ve done differently is drink less coke, not drink any beer, and eat only organic food (pretty much, my dad is a health freak). But, at least I know I’ve lost some weight.
So, I started college yesterday. It wasn’t exactly a picnic, either. It probably would have been like a picnic if I hadn’t pulled an all-nighter. I’m still recovering. My schedule is actually kind of fucked up—
Monday through Thursday I have survey of geography at 11am-12pm
Monday and Wednesday I have graphic design at 6pm-830pm
Tuesday and Thursday I have history of...
I'm going out on I-90
really we have reached critical mass and we’re long lost that’s what we get for following a crumpled map it happens every year certainly we cut too many corners jealousy is a quick-spreading cancer I am sore this is a glorified fight we’re losing don’t turn your nose up at me when I go out on a fragile limb and expose and open up what I need you to hear just because...
1 tag
New song. Here are the lyrics:
no, this...
sensory overload overlords rampage my deepest concerns for the well being of the system that I subconsciously embrace in my own, personal, infantile oblivion.
I will fight the bastards that put me here, and wear makeup while doing so.
I will kill my own will just to will you to come out and play.
I will sacrifice my desire for something natural, and better.
I will not stop cropping the photos...
Oh, and
I’m driving in the dry tire tracks to avoid slipping in the rain. You are the road on which I am unwelcome, I am the driver who has enough hope and stupidity to drive on it any way.
Idiot Wind
I’m coming home for a few days. The 8th-12th of October. Here’s what I plan on doing:
1. Being happy.
2. Playing music.
3. Having a drink.
4. Visiting those I miss.
best winter song ev4r →
"What happened to All the Nice Guys?" funny...
This is a funny, yet startlingly true craigslist post I found in the best of craigslist section…
“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”
“I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer...
I’ve been kind of sad my whole life. As long as I can remember, at least. I have my ups and downs, but I’m usually kind of down. And when I’m up, I’m still kind of sad, way down inside. I think I do a relatively good job of masking this. I would probably look like a mess all the time if I didn’t. But, I don’t just mask it for other people, I mask it so I...
“if you see her, say hello, she might be in Tangier she left here last early spring, is living there, I hear say for me that I’m all right, though things get kind of slow she might think that I’ve forgotten her, don’t tell her it isn’t so we had a falling-out, like lovers often will and to think of how she left that night, it still brings me to a chill and though our...
reminds me of the winter of 05.
Memories (In Order Kind of)
(listen to old johnny) haha
MAN she is cute. the girl in the middle. god damn.
“hot chili peppers in the blistering sun dust on my face and my cape me and Magdelana on the run I think this time we shall escape sold my guitar to the baker’s son for a few crumbs and a place to hide but I can get another one and I’ll...
oh, savor nostalgia’s deeds the past lay naked until dressed by imagination and forgetting empty memory; stuffed, restuffed and sometimes overflowing forever compromised and recognized in different lights; better and worse am i still here? or am i only portrayal? of my future mind’s self? how I ought to’ve been? or how I was? but distortion is beautiful and I yearn for what was and never was;...
Bees
A lot of my posts have been serious or hyper-serious lately. Having said that, I hate bees. Well, I don’t actually hate them, but I hate what they do to me. They have yet to sting me so far, while I’ve been out here. But it’s impossible to enjoy a cigarette outside without being accosted by one.
A bee will fly up, and be like “HEY MAN YOU GOTA PROBLUM?!” and in a...
So, I heard Ike tried to kill Cincinnati. I wish I could’ve been there. I’m sitting on the porch, smoking, and it feels so good. It’s scary how good it feels. I haven’t had a cigarette in a few days, because of money. I finally got money again and bought a carton today. Here’s a tip for you—if you want to feel something really, really good.
Deprive yourself...
shady little bubble hiding the cross-stitch blended with bad things and the good I love so a perfect little day the summer sinking I’m swimming in the heat are you still thinking? I’m just a creature
I wish you could understand not that it could make a difference I don’t even want a difference I just want to travel back back to when we would listen at least I thought you listened maybe I’m really wrong I like to hope so maybe you really understand I think you really understand
I am so fucked up and I’m worried I always will be tell me I won’t always be you know I...
this is actually kind of fun, letting my mind wander. I’ma do it some mo’. here’s a poem I just wrote. don’t know what I think about it. I think I want to live in it.
there’s fire in the sky and an exciting sunset I’m excitable, easily as the flamenco music crows as emotion (today will be my first one) the castanet hearts beat girls lassoed, loved, and...
P.S.S.
I actually really like sex. Just only under certain circumstances. But you know what I like more? Talking and connecting. Much better. A good kiss is nice. Sloppy? Nasty? NO. Only the good ones.
What the fuck am I going on about? This is what my journal entries look like when I let my mind wander in front of a keyboard.
Relationships
P.S.
I don’t want pointless sex either. I’m totally fine without sex. Sex is overrated. You think “oh my FUCKING god it’s going to be so hot having sex with this person” and then you do, and like, a quarter through the process you’re like “mannn, I’m all sweaty, I’m all tired, this is a little awkward, are they feeling good? I hope...
a strict regiment consumes my nostalgia these are cheap distractions this longing is twisted hidden in every afterthought lingers destruction “how could this” I thought “be what I want?” hidden in every hesitation lives a decision but I’m caught in the ‘fight or flight’ with an inferiority complex “this just might kill me” home is a radio and...
Cross Country Chronicles
Chicago:
We stayed at the nicest Holiday Inn Express I’ve ever seen. The most expensive, too. Room service, one block from Michigan Avenue, two blocks from Lake Michigan, one block from the ritziest fashion area I’ve ever seen. We payed 50 dollars for valet parking (ridiculous, I know), but the self-park option was 45, so why not? Lech was having bathroom troubles, meanwhile I let a...
I’ve tried to express this in the form of poetry, but it’s beginning to feel impossible, so I’m just going to express this plainly.
This time in my life—in our lives—of youth and energy, is being wasted, at least in my eyes. The (relatively) old adage “Live life to the fullest” is tiresome to hear, and can be used in many contexts, but I think to an...
Last night was absolutely fucking fantastic. I found an old CD called Incredibly Strange Music Vol. 2. I was instantly flooded with all of these wonderful memories. Memories from 2005. Memories of me looking like this:
And memories of Josh and Tyler. One night, I was sitting at Highlands with Josh. This was back when you could smoke inside, and before I started drinking heavily. Josh and I were...
you look good in gloves you look like a snow-girl bundled up coat buttoned up and that scarf that you always don and the neck it’s on the neck you hide and the cold that dons on you a persistent blush that makes my heart swarm blood in your cheeks filling; to warm
I want to kiss them and I want to kiss your ears you hide. behind woven cloth and conscience still, though, poorly— I can...
I’m distracted I’ve never been alive or really lived, but; it would probably feel like bare feet on hot gravel or successful hands scaling the monkey-bars for the first time.
Television
like a compliment ignored I’m a useless dig; usually disregard the connections, and hungry I’ll taste the validation of that French girl’s words as I regard the compliment given on the radio today we will all be cows and complacent, take our tastes from television and numb our tongues love what we’re told to and horde what we’re not snow on the screen and I still cant...
For some reason, I started writing a story.
I walked into the room. There was smoke everywhere, and it was fucking beautiful. It was like the air was trying to hide it’s pretty, clear face with the only veil it could conjure up. It was strange, there weren’t any ceiling fans in this place. Most places like this have ceiling fans, to at least pretend like they’re fighting all the smoke. That’s one nice thing about...
so, today is good
Wake up. Dad yells at me about how I’m only partying and don’t care about anything. Only partying? I haven’t partied in forever, at least not by my standards. I haven’t been to a party in forever. All I’ve been doing here is making music, calling people for jobs, looking for jobs, getting enrolled in school, eating, and sleeping. What the fuck?
Go to school and get...
cloud stream running over blue sun spying synapses firing patience expiring anxiety growing this will end soon markers rewinding front to behind metal shakes tap the brakes soon escape feet disobey it’s almost time tarmac gripping brains break control slipping controlled twitching synapses glitching components misfiring finally awake drifting into wrong lane caution dissapear yellow to...
to respect the concrete rocks on my bare feet you are on the sidewalk I’m in the left lane with you we get the last seat even though we’re on our fast feet you are on the sidewalk I’m in the left lane blip on the radar corner of my eye blip growing brighter apple of my eye blip in the center growing in my eye focusing in green, red in a flash smash grenade in the glass but it was...