So, I’m moving to Seattle. Moving in with my dad and step-mom (and awesome dog Milo); to fix myself, to work, and to hopefully get ahold of myself.
Something is wrong with me at the moment. I’m in my early twenties, I’m supposed to be having the time of my life. I’m supposed to be playing shows and hanging out with friends and traveling and having the time of my life. At least I think so. At least I know I’m not supposed to be having a bad time. I’m not supposed to be hiding away, locking myself in my room, isolating myself, letting myself go. I’m not supposed to be sad. But I am. And it needs to change immediately.
Something has happened in the last couple years. I’ve almost completely lost track of who I am, what I value, what I need, and what I want. Why? Fear! I don’t know what the hell I’m afraid of exactly, but I imagine this fear isn’t natural. This anxiety. It’s holding me back not only from doing the things I need to do, but it’s holding me back from doing the things I want to do. I’m not living the life that I want. Not even close. Under all this isolation I feel like I’ve swallowed myself whole.
So, I’m going to Seattle. I’m going to get a job and I’m going to save. I’m going to play shows in front of people I don’t know, I’m going to see a therapist, I’m going to leave the house, I’m going to meet people, and I’m going to do my very best to live. I’m going to try to get back whatever parts of myself I’ve lost, and I’m going to try to get rid of the bad parts that have stuck around. Wish me luck.
