I’m on the verge of a new period in my life. I’m in a transitionary state, and I can feel it, and it feels good. And maybe a little frightening, but that’s okay. I can’t remember a time of change in my life that wasn’t a little scary. Soon I’ll be moving to a new city where hopefully I’ll use my new knowledge to do something new and worthwhile. I’m comfortable with the change.
I think part of the reason I’m so comfortable with change is because I know my roots. I’m aware of what makes me who I am; I know what defines me and I know that it will follow me wherever I go. I have no intention of changing who I am, and, honestly, I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. People keep telling me (and they always have) that what I want to do with my life (music) is all a matter of luck. But that’s bullshit. I see so many options laid out in front of me it’s ridiculous. I’m not looking at this like “well, I’ll play shows, and if I’m really lucky a big label will pick me up and I’ll be set for life” — I’m treating this as if it were any other occupation. You have to put in the work to get anywhere. Thank god the work is so much fun and so rewarding.
And here comes the cockiness (and the disclaimer so I don’t sound too cocky): I’m in love with the music I make. I listen to myself as much as I listen to my favorite bands. And, thinking as objectively as possible, I would find it hard to believe I’m the only person who enjoys it. And here’s what I’m in it for: to share it. I’m not in it for money, for girls, for recognition, or for any sort of “lifestyle” — I’m in it because I want to share my music with as many people as possible, I want to play with people, I want to create, and I want to share what I create with anyone who’s interested. It’s hard to make sense, but when I pick up a guitar at a party and play for hours on end, it’s not to woo a pretty girl, it’s not for compliments or praise — it’s because I’m playing music I wrote and somebody is (maybe) enjoying it. Mostly, at least. Sometimes I do it just because I enjoy playing period, and it wouldn’t matter if anyone were in the room or not.
Music is so many things to me. It allows me to pick a part of myself and explode it and magnify it or make a parody of it or exaggerate it or tear it apart or indulge it. Or pick a part of somebody else and put it on. Or to pick something and destroy it or build it up or investigate it. I don’t know what else to say.
