why you up in my bidness

make hay

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 07:50:36 -0600

I tried making the hay
sunshine doesn’t work
just one of
gods exalted guilty lies
fluttering around like butterflies
thriving in the heat

how can I stay on time
the clock sings a lullaby
the unregistered nocturne ticking leaks
from restless mens machines

you don’t impress me
with your bitter black coffee
leave before the sun comes up
and the light messes you up
this is not where you belong

curtains bless sleep
with a nursing deed
don’t turn off the lamp
I can’t nod off
the morning moon
still has a promise to keep

and this is where I belong

"I can't believe it's snowing in February oh my god blablablablabla"

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:07:44 -0600

Weather changes, calm the fuck down.

Cheesy unsolicited advice regarding insecurity

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 07:16:00 -0600

There are many tactics people use to cover up their insecurity. People fight it with alcohol, they fight it with the clothes they wear, with makeup, with trying to be arrogant, with pretending not to care — I could go on and on. But the tactic that infuriates me the most is a combination of things. It also makes me really sad, at least when I see people I care about using it.

It’s hard to define or summarize with a couple words. But essentially, it’s a combination of acting like someone else, becoming arrogant, becoming crass and dry, closing yourself off from everyone, selfishness, rudeness, and pretending like everything’s a joke.

You all know those people. They try incredibly hard to act like they are not only above everything, but also like they don’t give a shit about anything. They refuse to take most things seriously. They put people down for no reason. And, the most ironic thing about them, is that while they tend to try to make everything into a joke, you almost never seem them laughing.

I really wish I could do a better job of describing it, but I’m sleep-deprived and starving, so this is the best I can do. The thing that bothers me so much is that this act, if continued for long enough, eventually becomes what appears to be permanent. And it covers up who they really are. It obscures the facets of their personalities that make them so unique and wonderful in the first place.

And it’s self-limiting! By acting the way they do, they attract the same kind of people who don’t give them the respect they deserve. They alienate not only the friends that were actually worth their time, but also the potential kind-hearted, stable friends who would, I don’t know, make them feel good about themselves in the first place. If they had just continued to be themselves and made an honest attempt at being good people, their self-esteem would’ve increased exponentially and so would others’ appreciation for them.

It’s entertaining to make fun of everything, it’s safer to close yourself off from everyone, and it’s easy to be selfish and cover up your personality, but that’s only a temporary fix. If you want to get better and stay better, and I know I do (I’m a permanent work-in-progress), then you have to be ready to take a good look at yourself, look at the cause of your insecurities, examine your life and the people you associate with realistically, and accept the fact that it isn’t going to be easy.

The next time you relate to something someone does or says, tell them. Just say it. Tell them it affected you. Don’t just say “that’s pretty cool I guess” and roll your eyes. The next time you’re upset, face your emotions and work through them, don’t turn your sadness into bitterness and pessimism. It’s scary to let people know how you feel, even about seemingly insignificant things in small talk or conversation. But if you take the risk of being who you are, you’ll quickly and easily weed out the bad folks and welcome the like-minded folks. Let people see you for who you are, and you’ll find the quality of the ones you befriend will skyrocket. And by all means, be proud of who you are. There’s a different between arrogance and confidence. Take pride in yourself, but don’t convince yourself that you’re better than everyone else.

Kind-hearted, cool people don’t like assholes, and assholes like being around other assholes so they can feel vindicated for being assholes. That sounds ridiculous and I just used the word asshole way too many times, but it’s true. I was going to say something else but I’m falling asleep. I don’t mean to act like some sort of expert on self-esteem, but I’ve been around for a little while. I was the kid in grade-school who was intensely shy and awkward, had no (literally no) friends, was rejected by every girl he talked to, embarrassed himself in every social interaction, and spent his childhood drowning in sadness and self-loathing. Nowadays, I’m not perfect, but I have some amazing people in my life, I don’t stutter and fill with dread every time I talk to a stranger, I can stand on a stage in front of hundreds of people and expose a very personal aspect of my life, I can actually (gasp!) flirt with a girl, I love to meet people, I appreciate everything I have, and, while I don’t think I’m better than anyone, I’m proud of the things I’ve accomplished and who I’ve become. And I want other people to feel that same accomplishment.

Goodnight!

Or, if you don’t have a blender and a bunch of fruit,...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:04:55 -0600

Or, if you don’t have a blender and a bunch of fruit, crack.

anthonyray: :,[ Has our already pathetic culture really...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:46:17 -0600

anthonyray:

:,[

Has our already pathetic culture really plummeted to such a meaningless, inane, stupid level that we can’t even express our feelings without a motherfucking iPhone? Is this what inspires people? This is fucking absurd. What is this, the fucking Lifetime channel? If you feel that way about someone, and you’re too much of a pussy to say it to their face or, hell, even on the phone, then you might as well not say anything at all, because your worthless existence is doomed.

I’m sorry, but shit like this enrages me beyond reason.

I also haven’t eaten and didn’t get much sleep, so I’m filled with hatred.

Rock 'n' Roll 'n' Drugs 'n' Sex

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:09:34 -0600

I don’t care about it. I don’t want it. Not for me. I’ll take the rock ‘n’ roll, hold the drugs and sex. Not only do I disagree with the notion of the tortured artist being somehow better than the mentally stable artist, but I also don’t think that music, drug-use, and sleeping with lots of people go hand-in-hand. Those things may go hand-in-hand for some, but not me.

For one, I’ve always been against using most drugs. Not against other people using them, but against using them myself, and against being around other people using them. The reason is simple: I cannot stand not being in complete control of my mind and body. I used to think that I could strike some sort of balance with alcohol, where I could enjoy the effects of it and still think straight, but the reality is that booze still makes everything a little slower, a little hazier, and a little more difficult. For some reason intoxication of any kind, no matter how small, makes it almost impossible for me to create. As for being around others on drugs or drunk, I really prefer not to. I’ve noticed that soberly interacting with someone who is fucked up is kind of like interacting with a bipolar foreigner. I still like to drink, just not when creating. And I haven’t enjoyed getting truly drunk in years, so I don’t really do that anymore.

When it comes to sleeping around, I’ve never really been a fan of that either. I don’t really judge others’ sex lives, but again, it’s just something that’s not for me. It violates my own moral code. It makes me feel dirty, and not in a “oh yeah, I’m a dirty little boy” way — more of a “gross, I’ve been rolling around the inside of a dumpster” way. I also think it’s really pathetic to try to use a guitar to get laid. There’s nothing that makes me angrier than having a girl come up to me after a show and try relentlessly to flirt with me. That probably sounds absurd to most people, but it bothers me. I don’t want people to see me as a dreamy musician, I could care less if people see me at all; my narcissism lies within my desire for others to hear my music. If I can share a part of myself that others relate to or enjoy, then playing music becomes a communal experience, and I think that’s a really special thing. It makes me really happy.

Rock ‘n’ roll is often synonymous with partying, but for me it’s always been about the music. It hasn’t been about fame, or ego-boosting. It’s about creating music, sharing it with people, and the absolute joy that goes along with that. It heals, it mends, it instigates nostalgia, it’s an amazing coping mechanism and an amazing emotional enhancer. I feel so incredibly lucky to be in tune with it. I don’t mean in an exclusive way — honestly, a better way to put it is that I feel so, so lucky to love music as much as I do. It’s such an amazing thing in its pure form, so I see no reason to distort the way it feels with intoxicants and promiscuity.

Well shit, I always thought Super Bowl Sunday was just a really huge bowl filled with hot fudge, ice cream, and a cherry.

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:23:03 -0600

I actually hate Mardi Gras

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:59:27 -0600

Yeah, seriously. Mardi never mows it and so it’s full of a bunch of weeds and snakes and weird insects and poison ivy. I don’t know why so many people are obsessed with his fucking lawn.

Dr. Dog - Do The Trick I LOVE THE NEW DR. DOG. I always will.

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 19:49:58 -0600

Dr. Dog - Do The Trick

I LOVE THE NEW DR. DOG. I always will.

Organizing records. Have a couple hundred more on the floor....

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:05:40 -0600

Organizing records. Have a couple hundred more on the floor. I’m going to be on the floor for a while.

“Black Heart” by me.

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 05:42:31 -0600

“Black Heart” by me.

INSOMNIA (also, I’m uploading a video I just recorded of...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 04:53:58 -0600

INSOMNIA (also, I’m uploading a video I just recorded of myself doing what 20-somethings on tumblr are supposed to do — playing a song)

I am often haunted by an odd loneliness.

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:54:34 -0600

It’s not the acute pang of sadness you feel when you’re dumped, it’s not the overwhelming sense of impending madness you feel after being isolated for an extremely long period of time, and it’s certainly not the feeling you have when you peer out the window into the rain like they do in the movies.

This is a permanent state of melancholia. It’s a deep, slowly moving ocean of heartache you bob peacefully on, being sucked down a few feet into the gloominess every time a wave engulfs you. It’s a combination of white and black keys on a piano. It’s a bunch of other depressing metaphors I’m on the verge of spouting out mindlessly.

It’s always been there, and I have a feeling it always will be. It doesn’t matter who I’m with, what I’m doing, or where I am. Hell, it doesn’t matter how happy I am. Moments of bliss or euphoria or excitement are swift, and serve only to obscure the infinite mirthlessness that is always lingering underneath. It tinges everything with hints of sorrow.

The thing that seems most odd to me about it is how unbelievably beautiful I find it. As much as I hate it, this perpetual sadness is a gorgeous thing. I think most emotions have the potential to have true beauty in the right light, but I think sadness is the most astonishing in that regard. And as much as I sometimes wish it weren’t there, I cannot lie; I am for the most part thankful to have it in my life. Not in the sense that “you can’t have happiness without sadness” but in the sense that I’m glad I have the capacity to view my world through its lens.

WRITING AGAIN (I’m not going to lie, I fiddled with a...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:31:54 -0600

WRITING AGAIN

(I’m not going to lie, I fiddled with a hipstertastic photo-editor “PicYou” out of boredom)

this is how we clean it (OR "cleaning is better than sex?")

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:39:00 -0600

So, when I have to clean lots of things (like, say, my apartment, which I just did) I have this very specific way I have to go about everything.

I do not consider myself obsessive compulsive normally, but that changes drastically when I clean. Everything has to be spotless. I spend 15 minutes cleaning the mirror in the bathroom. I spend 10 minutes a piece cleaning each specific part of the toilet. I wipe down the kitchen counters 4 times each. I use 409 for general purpose wiping, tilex with bleach for the toilet and inside of the shower, windex for any glass/mirror surfaces, and clorox (without bleach) for any other surfaces in the bathroom. Fuck those green-eco-pussy-friendly cleaners, those don’t do shit and they smell like my grandmother’s closet. I use my swifferjet to mop the floors, and I go through about 5 of those pads for each room.

I crank up some music, light up a cigarette, crack open a red bull, and go fucking crazy. It’s incredibly cathartic. And not once, during all of this cleaning, taking out the trash, wiping, dusting, and vacuuming do I wash my hands (or any part of my body). By the end of it I am pretty sweaty and nasty and dirty, so then, I step into my sparkling clean bathroom, and take a really long, overly-thorough shower.

Then I put on a fresh set of clothes, listen to my music, smoke a cigarette and let my hair dry (it’s very thick so it takes a while, a towel alone won’t do it and I refuse to blow-dry). And that, my friends, is the best goddamn feeling in the fucking world.

I would encourage you all to stop listening to inspiring quotes and to stop obsessing over...

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:24:48 -0600

I would encourage you all to stop listening to inspiring quotes and to stop obsessing over interesting photographs that you didn’t take. I would also encourage you to live some of your life yourself and form your opinions and feelings on those experiences, rather than the experiences of people you do not know who you admire. Also, for you poets and musicians, I’d encourage you to not try to style your works after those that you admire. Sure, it’s really, really tempting, but come on, make something completely for yourself, even if no one but you will ever enjoy it.

I like animated gfs

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 15:00:13 -0600

…………..

INSOMNIA

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 04:07:25 -0600

INSOMNIA

Stuff like this absolutely infuriates me. It always has. I...

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 03:58:00 -0600

Stuff like this absolutely infuriates me. It always has. I wonder if that’s somehow evidence of my insanity. I don’t think I’m insane. It’s just that these things strike me as inane and cliché. I’m not against love or profound emotional feelings. I’m just against fucking bullshit. Love and romance are incredibly sacred to me, and to think that the intricacies of such things can be summarized in fucking text on the internet enrages me. Even if it can be written on the internet, it fucking shouldn’t be. It trivializes everything.

I think one of the biggest flaws of social communication is trends. We follow them for absolutely no reason other than the fact that other people do. It’s a fucking gut-wrenching experience when someone breaks up with you and, rather than telling you the real reason, they spout out some fucking bullshit nonsense they heard in a movie or read in a book, because it sounds good and because other people do it. Once I dated this girl who, every time I would say “I’m sorry,” regardless of what it was for, she would say “I am too.” — that’s the kind of shit I’m talking about. She didn’t actually feel sorry 99% of the time, she just said it because she had heard it in movies and it sounded fucking neat to her. Each experience we have is completely unique, and dealing with those experiences with cookie-cutter responses we learned from popular trends makes a fucking mockery out of the whole thing. If you love someone but you can’t be with them any longer because, for example, they’re crass and always out partying, say that to them. Say “I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re always out with your friends instead of spending time with me, and you’re always really obnoxious and it kind of makes me uncomfortable.” Don’t say some fucking vague speech you learned and rehearsed from a Zooey Deschanel movie.

I was standing outside of a coffeehouse today

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 03:09:19 -0600

and I heard two people talking, and one of them said to the other, “Yeah man, life’s too short to smoke bad weed” and then took a long drag of his cigarette. And then I said “Life’s too short to ride most theme park rides.”